My Aromantic Community (Part 1)
The following is a collection of reader submitted narratives. We asked how aromantics would like to see the aromantic community change and grow. Their answers detail personal stories, thoughts, and feelings. Apart from general grammar edits, these submissions have been published as submitted, and as such be aware of discussions of arophobia and amatonormativity. This is the first instalment of two.
Word count: 1400
Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
I wish it was easier to meet likeminded people in real life. I've really enjoyed the people who I have met online, but it would be nice to feel that there are also aromantic people in my physical community.
Anon
I'd like to see a lot more aromantic and arospec representation in media. I'd like to hear more people (particularly alloros) learning about what it means to be aromantic/arospec and support and listen to us. I'd like the aromantic community to be welcoming and safe for both aro people and people of other marginalized groups, queer or not, as I believe it's important to stand and work together.
Mel/Tavros
I honestly just want to see us grow more and more!
Sascha
More resources on what Aromanticism is and more virtual community events so people are able to meet each other without having to travel.
Anon
I would like to see acceptance of all types of aros, particularly those who are not also on the asexual spectrum. I also hope the aro community, aided by other communities, can become more visible to the general population.
River
I would like to see more in person organizing, I live in a major city and I can’t find any aromantic specific stuff
Eli
meetups (live or virtual), conference during Pride, push more for inclusion in laws, events, support, everything, more visibility in the Queer community
Anon
I hope the community can embrace the grey areas in people's identities and experiences. I hope that the ways each person's experience of aromanticism is affected by intersections such as race and disability is acknowledged, and that there is an awareness of how different cultural expectations and attitudes can shape that experience.
Jake
I feel like the aromantic community isn't as tight-knit as the asexual community. I would love to see as much pride and enthusiasm for Aromanticism as other identities. I think many aromantics don't feel "queer enough" to celebrate sometimes, but I think we have a lot to celebrate about our experiences.
Chess
I would like to see more understand and positive representation of it. As well as maybe a psychological dive into it--not because I consider it a disorder but just to see what the psyche of someone who sees/feels loves differently differs from someone else chemically.
Anon
Representation. Acknowledgment. Inclusion
Parvathy.S
I’d like to see the community grow, and have more people know that aromanticism is a thing that exists and is valid
Anon
Greater awareness of our identities. Greater discussion of non ace and/or non SAM aromantic identities. More resources for people who choose to live single in terms of legal processes, defining family, etc. Older aro role models.
Anon
I want be recognized from outside of community. I want arophobia be more recognized and prevented
Anon
the community should go more into offline world
Anon
I don't know. Solidarity I guess.
Anon
Just more understanding and acceptance from the lgbt community and society and general. To this day I will see non aros call our experiences as ‘asexual’ or generally using the wrong definition. We need more spotlight in things such as media. As for the aro community itself I want to see romance favorable aros like me being talked more about in problems and such, as we are often left out of the discussion for generally being small.
Anon
In person meetings would be awesome
Anon
I want people to understand me and be able to relate to me and my experiences. Basically i want us to be "friends" and be happy to be in the aromantic community
Anon
I need the community to be more represented.
Ritika
I wish others would recognise that it isn't just aroaces and alloaros that exist in this community and that I can't exist as just aro without the constant policing of my own words
Samuel
Despite living in a big city (Madrid, Spain) I've never met an allosexual aromantic fellow in person. I have only met aroaces that, to be honest, most of them excluded me for being allo. So I would love a European meeting (maybe once or twice a year) to see my fellow aros in person and not feeling alone
Lidia
Obviously I want there to be more information out there about the aromantic community, and aromanticism. With information comes some understanding and acceptance. I also want there to be more resources for arospec people by arospec people. When I was questioning my identity I didn't know aromanticism was even a thing, and having the aromantic community and the existance of the aromantic spectrum be more like common knowledge would've saved me years of pain while trying to find myself.
Anon
I want wider recognition of aromanticism; so that an explanation of my identity is not needed whenever i mention it.
Anon
Trying to break the ice for one second here: I really would like aromantic community not to sound like a secret agency. I mean, I want that both aro and allo people know it so it can be more accessible. For me, discovering the community was a blessing but it took a while. And there are so many identities, so many different people, that would be nice if we got to see this diversity more often. My deepest desire is that aromantics be mentioned when someone talks about the queer community, that someone talks to another person and even if that fellow is not aro that they have enough knowledge to speak about the aromantic community.
Anon
I want us to be more open about our experiences and sell less validation of our identities from other aros. I want to basically get rid of the expectation of partnership, romantic love, and there condition that we're human because we experience platonic/sexual love. I only want us to be comforts, confident, and happy with ourselves and our identity as aro
Lizzy
I'd like to see a lot more education and respect around aromantic people who aren't palatable to cishets. Loveless aromantics (who are even shunned in the aromantic community).
Admin of "Aro Through The Heart" on Facebook
more visibility and acceptance from others, a shift away from amatonormativity, single person friendly systematic solutions, and within the aro community - that we can move away from affirmations and saying we're valid and that we exist (its not bad activism, but it's disheartening seeing it as the only main form of activism - i wish that the next steps would come soon)
Ola
I know this is kinda impossible right now because irl community events require volunteer time and man power there seems to be so few of us near each other, but I wish there were aro community events near me. I'm not even sure what I mean or actually want. like an aromantic specific book club?? lol but I wish I had real life community events and not just tumblr. :/
Anon
Like any community, there will be splinters because not every person's experience is the same, which is fine I think. The big issue is making space for all these experiences without resorting to gatekeeping.
Anon
more visibility, more acceptance for all aros. right now it feels there is a dominant narrative of aros as "people who never experience romantic attraction and are romance neutral/repulsed" and it throws a lot of arospecs and romance favorable people under the bus. also there is less "all aros want a qpr" but there is still some of that sentiment and it alienates nonamorous and loveless aros. i wish all narratives could get accepted
Anon
More representation, more visibility
Anon
Happiness and acceptance for us all, the exchange of media tipps and sharing of experiences
Arin
Unconditional acception for all aros especially loveless aros/alloaros, more diversity, mutual understand and respect for our identities between us, respect/more understanding for our concepts/terminology
Jayden
I want normalization of nonromantic life partnerships, including group partnerships. I want single parent households to stop being regarded as tragic. I want lack of judgement lol
Berrie
more connections, especially in person. it's so rare to meet anyone like me irl!
Anon
I want there to be more acceptance and knowledge about aros among alloromantics. I want there to be more understanding of QPPs and other non-romantic but emotionally intimate relationships.
Sieran
I want to feel as though there is an actual community there. I want to interact with other aro people without feeling as though discourse is the only conversation we can possibly have. I want people to stop picking apart labels to cut what little community we have into pieces and putting those groups against each other. I want humanity, not just dozens of posts defining every possible label and thousands of arguments.
Leo June
To raise awareness outside the lgtbq+ community
Anon
I want more recognition that aro people actually exist. The solidarity of shared experiences, of existing as an aromantic person, is important to me as well. I would also like it to be feasible for someone to live on their own aka less systematic amatonormativity
Anon
The second part to this collection will be published on the 5th of December 2021.